Identity of Love

Breaking the silence again I have had a thought, well many thoughts, churning in my heart for quite some time.  I probably started writing this blog a half dozen times yet today is different.  Today somehow my thoughts lined up together and became clear.  Have you ever caught yourself finding your identity in something, someone, or an idea, dream, passion?  Maybe you are a talented painter and you are known to your friends as Max the Painter or Zoey the Graphic Artist.  Maybe you are Kevin the Family Man or Sean the Wild Spirit.  Whatever you find your identity in, be it in your talents, dreams, passions, desires, addictions, paradigms, even your ethnicity or sexual orientation, whatever it is have you ever just took a step back, blinked and evaluated your motives or choices?  I have... a lot... so much that often I confuse myself and want my identity to be so many things at once.  Sometimes I want to be Sam the Actor, Sam the Musician, Sam the Writer, or Sam the Uber Artist Extraordinaire, even Sam the Invisible.  There are times my identity really isn't known to me, or it is informed by others and their opinions.  This flux or flexibility of my identity has really left me in a state of confusion for a lot of my life.  It even makes me wonder whether this lack of self realization has really been the driving force for a lot of my failures in life (well that and my rebellion against God and wanting to do things my way).  

So that was how I lived life... sort of floating around attaching myself to the nearest cool idea or thing... very shallow... wanting to belong and trying to be the best in everything... because isn't that what the world expects... for you to be the best in everything... all the time... while at the same time being emotionally available and humble enough to admit your mistakes.  I've tried that path as Sam the Sensitive Broken Man.  But it was only a half truth.  

Here is what I believe is the truth... which that statement sort of sounds arrogantly absolute, but in my mind, heart, soul it makes sense.  

I believe that my identity is found in love (which sounds super cliche).  What is love... I had to think about that question for about a month... I'm still thinking about it... Was love a powerful romantic emotion, was it the sum total of unconditional surrender, is it something tangible, like a hug, kiss, pat on the back, an approving glance or encouraging word?  Is it a form of manipulation? No, that's more like anti-love... I looked into biology... was love just a chemical response triggered by hormones?  Some people would say that... I looked into philosophy... was my idea of love a conditioned response of my environment and the people who taught me how to think and rationalize my interactions with others and my own emotions.  

All of the above sounds a bit too heady... like a bunch of intellectual fluff.  

The Bible in I Corinthians 13 describes love like a person.  It tells me that Love is kind, patient, not jealous, it doesn't brag, it isn't arrogant, it isn't provoked, and doesn't hold grudges (doesn't take into account a wrong suffered)... rejoices with the truth, bears all things (is supportive and encouraging) believes all things (has faith) hopes all things (is crazy optimistic) endures all things (it isn't wimpy, love isn't a wuss but tough, unbreakable).  Love never fails...

Ok... this person of love sounds like a superhero... like something out of legendary epics, myths, or blockbuster movies.  

... it gets even better...

So here I am chasing my identity around trying to accomplish, trying to become holy, to be super Christian... super Sam... 

It says in I Corinthians 13 that if I am the best at everything, have superhuman faith, speak with prophecy, can move mountains with my faith, if I am the smartest man in the world with everyone flocking to me to hear my wisdom... have all the fame, power, money, prestige... talents...  everything that humanity uses to inform their identity...

... it is all nothing without love... and all of it... everything will turn to dust and be forgotten... 

So I sort of fell into a decision... a desire... a passion... a dream... to have an Identity of Love... 

It's too vast and devastating to attempt on my own...  it is only by the transforming power of the Author and Source of Love that I can even begin on this eternal journey...

Jesus is the superhero of love... When my identity is in love ultimately my identity is in Jesus Christ.  

It is one and the same... Christ is love, I want to be like Him, therefore I want to be love... 

Having an identity of love is hard... but it is also easy at the same time... and when I am acting, feeling, speaking, teaching, singing, writing, just being love everything in the world is right.  It's like being in the arms of Christ without any shame... a communal, passionate, powerful, good, perfect identity...

The thing about love is that it can't be forced or coerced on anyone... it is authentic and genuine... both chosen and given freely... 

All I can do is invite you into an identity of love... into Jesus... 

My Identity is love...  An Identity of Love...