Understanding Education...

For those who know me I have recently started the path to become a High School or Junior High English teacher.  It's a journey I never could have envisioned for my life.  In High School English was the class that I read great works and wrote essays.  We took time to read plays aloud, even performing some of them.  Yet what I didn't learn was grammar.  I may have had classes in grammar in elementary and Junior High, but they taught in a way that was ineffective.  If you didn't already know, teaching grammar apart from reading (books) and writing (papers/essays) doesn't work.  Countless exercises like "circle all of the subjects in these three sentences," "label the adjectives in this sentence," or even my personal nemesis, "diagram the following 8 sentences."  They were ineffective.

So... what's the point... we adjust and teach grammar differently.

Makes sense doesn't it and many schools are implementing different reforms to teaching.  But many other schools are continuing an ineffective system of education.

And that education isn't limited to English grammar...

Education is something that takes the effort and responsibility of parents/guardians, students, teachers, and the support staff of school.  It takes the unconditional effort of teachers to give quality education to their students, a relentless commitment to vastly improve their skills, and take measures to instill in their students an ownership of their education.

Sometimes ownership is quantifiable.  For example...

I pay a store $1.25 for a candy bar.   That candy bar is now mine, I have paid out something to take ownership of it.  I can now eat it or give it away, both choices are within my power.  I derive the benefit from my efforts (money).

Education is similar, yet dissimilar.  I study for my test and receive a passing grade (sometimes).  I'm not satisfied with my performance and I take steps (private tutors, personal study, parental/guardian help, use of library and internet resources, etc.)  to improve my understanding of the subject matter.  The next test I take I perform either better or I understand that my results represented my best at the time but also gave me a goal for my future.

Education is like an investment... I know this is probably cliche but it is true.  We take time to study, we wrestle with our education, we FAIL and then we LEARN from our FAILURES.

I've FAILED plenty of times in my life.  In fact it is one of my biggest FEARS.   I fear failure because I feel dumb or depressed.   I wasn't taught to EMBRACE FAILURE.

Education that embraces failure as a stepping stone to success produces effective students.  To persist in education, taking advantage of all of the resources you have at your disposal to do well requires discipline.

Persistence, discipline, ownership....   all buzzwords with huge meanings....

I'm a glutton for persistence and failure... I loath failure but I cherish persistence.

But it isn't about me... it's about others...

So that's why I'm becoming a teacher.  I want to be a catalyst of failure, discipline, persistence, and ownership for my students.

Sometimes the onus of education resides on the student and their parents/guardians.

Sometimes they don't like to hear that.  Besides don't they pay teachers to "handle" the education of their children.

Yes and no.  As a (future) teacher it will be my responsibility to teach as effectively as possible my subject matter to your students.  BUT the effort I put in to my teaching must be MATCHED by the students and parents.

Ownership in education is a two way street.  As a teacher I take personal pride and ownership of the outcome of my teaching skills and the students I teach.  As a student and parent, ownership occurs when there is a connection to REAL LIFE CIRCUMSTANCES and EDUCATIONAL INPUT.

You are what you eat.  You are also what you learn.  When you learn more you can become more.  Simple right?  Wrong!  

Learning has to be INTENTIONAL and DIRECTIONAL... at least after High School.  Yet you have to get there by putting effort into your work in High School (and every grade before that starting in preschool).

I wish I could of learned what I am writing now... I could have become a better student and not wasted so much time on video games (specifically).

COMPASSION gives me the fuel to be a SERVANT to students.

Teaching is not about MONEY although teachers like to eat and provide for their families.  We teach because we want to share to improve the future of our students and share with them our love for learning.  

The Invigorating Love of Christ

Sometimes I have to come back to my roots... and for me that has been and always will be the true and beautiful love of Christ.  You know what I'm talking about... that enveloping warm embrace of Jesus that just fills your whole heart with light.  It's tangible and alive, it is literally invigorating.  It brings strength to me when I feel weak and burdened.  His love lifts me up when I feel laden with my own struggles and sins... I have this vision when I close my eyes and worship God... I am up in the clouds with arms open wide and I am glowing... but not because I am awesome... but I am caught in the glory of God... His love and light surrounds me and I cannot do anything other than worship... 

The love of Christ is strong... it is not fragile and something to hide... it is so vast that my words can never do it justice.  His love is also unconditional and unrelenting... it never ceases... it never fails... 

I can remember times when I have laid in my bed at night... wanting to know whether my faith was just an intellectual infatuation... or whether my sins and shortcomings have disqualified me from God's forgiveness... sort of like that was one too many sins you just did Sam...  Does anyone else ever feel that way... it's a dangerous depression and longing of the soul... 

Then... I come back to Christ's love... it comes roaring back into my spirit and restores my heart... purifies my soul... renews my world and takes hold of my thoughts and sets me straight... This doesn't make everything rosy and perfect in life... I'm not expecting everything to be great... But the promises of God resonate love... it echoes His heart cry for us...  He is holy and love, glory, mercy, grace, righteousness, and sovereign justice demolish my doubts...

For me Christ's love brings new life... really that is what His sacrifice was about... a restoration of what was broken by sin... God has established this restoration from the beginning of time... So I will give Him all the glory that I can muster... not because I believe that I can earn His love and forgiveness... but because I recognize that I am not the center piece of His story... I am not the main character but a loving and imperfect child of God... 

This may not seem ground breaking to some... there are those who might think I am rambling off old dogmas and doctrines... or speaking Christianese... but let me tell you a story...

I grew up in the faith... my family imperfectly yet lovingly taught me about God and how much He loves me and how He loves me...   I was nurtured in a private Christian school for 15 years... then went on to Bible college for 4 years... For 4 years I was poured into the scriptures... I was told that I was among leaders... I was told that our generation was going to make a huge difference... I believed it for others and even sometimes for myself.  I thought this is it... I've found my calling... I will be a worshiper and a missionary... 

After Bible college and even before I began to shift gears... I have always had a deep love of the arts and music... specifically theatre... I went to theatre school... I studied for two years earning a B.A. in theatre... I thought I could use my skills of theatre and the arts and my Bible college training to create a powerhouse of outreach to others....  Later I went on to study an MFA in Acting (which in theatre world is a big deal)... or so I thought... 

Yet.....

As I was doing all those things above... I was also still harboring my own sins, problems, issues... pride, stubbornness, fear, and laziness were always there... I compared myself to others constantly and worked after acclaim and approval... It was about me... even if I didn't see it... under everything else I knew... 

God loves me too much to let me continue... and I don't always believe that God penalizes us for our sins... but He most certainly wants the best for us... even closes doors to something we desperately want...   

For me I wanted to gain my MFA in Acting... I believed it would open lots of doors and it would also serve to secretly feed my insatiable lust for approval and status... I would be among the best in my field... or so I thought... 

God knows my heart... 

I was removed from the MFA program after my first year and allowed to finish my M.A. in Theatre... which in my eyes at the time was a slap in the face... I thought I was capable of so much more... 

I couldn't be more wrong...

Whether I had the talent and skills or not to continue... my heart was not in the right place... I wasn't studying and working for the right reasons...

I now have been working as a car salesman for the past two years... I went into the job because I was hungry for money and I didn't know where else to go... I thrived in the job... because I've always been great in sales... but it isn't my heart... 

Then it became clear.... Christ' love is far more powerful and invigorating than my vocation, my education, my doubts and fears, my pride, my stubbornness, my sins... His love creates a path where I can serve Him in all circumstances... to the best of my abilities and beyond through His strength...

To invigorate is to make one feel strong, healthy and full of energy and life... that is exactly how Christ continues to challenge and change me...

So I fall back into His strength knowing that all my efforts are nothing when it is not fully empowered by Him... 

I pray Christ' love for you... make it your identity for God is love

Be love... 

The Cost of an Effective Lifestyle

Do I stay or do I move on... Do I change my jobs, go to college (or back to college), move somewhere else, keep the same friends, start a new hobby, become a volunteer, adopt a faith practice, get off the couch and go for a run  :)  

Almost everyone has had to make a choice whether they were going to continue to live life like they have or change... I believe it is a daily choice...

I know that I need to change when I wake in the morning and I feel that my life is more of a chore than something I run to with joy... maybe it is my attitude that day (which is a huge influence on us)... maybe I feel like I should be doing something better with my life... maybe I should watch less TV and read more books...  Maybe there should be something added to our lives... enriching adventures, healthy habits, routines that bring eventual mastery of something (piano, painting, wood working, gardening, writing, income tax returns)  

Sometimes all it takes is a slight shift in our perspective of life... For me I know when I am needing healthy input... when I am angry, irritable, make poor choices, lazy, and prone to stay inside for long periods of time... Those are the unhealthy choices that lead to a stagnate life for me...

Someone once told me that he "doesn't let others affect his emotions, his attitude" like he had some sort of shield around himself that made him immune to human emotions and the messed up reality of humanity... This idea rubbed me the wrong way... it sort of made me think that he thought he was superior to me because I was a sensitive soul and allowed others to influence my attitude and emotions...

I understand how someone can develop that attitude... I've shared that attitude in high school... back when I was a lot more vulnerable, naive, and my peers were vicious in their verbal assaults...   They would dig into my heart and soul... I told myself that I wasn't hurt by them... sticks and stones right?   Wrong... there are still echoes of those words that haunt me even today as I navigate the more complex emotional and intellectual challenges of adulthood...

Even the biggest disappoints of my life... those stinging moments when all you want to do is run away or scream "no" in disagreement, trying to change the outcome of some unfortunate decision because it means you have to do something you hate, or you are forced out of your dream job, dream educational path, dream life...

Those moments are sometimes relived in small doses throughout life, triggered by situations, sights, smells, songs, maybe something we read or watch... maybe a careless word by others and more harmfully ourselves...

It's like looking at photos of yourself 10 years ago and wanting to go back in time to change your past with the hopes to make yourself better now... (i.e. avoid bad decisions, eating those twinkies... making or not making those friends... )

Whatever it is we wake up each morning and we are influence by a vast unwavering mountain of decisions...

So I believe that I am at a precipice of decisions... some big, some small, some financial, relational, emotional, physical, spiritual... all of which I want to make the best decision... and most of them I want to make a decision now...  moving forward without hesitation...

YET... things like TV, Video Games, Sleep, Facebook... wasting time... those things that I call my "numbing habits" keep me from moving forward... making decisions...   Like comfort food I really enjoy the easy choices of what channel to watch or which unhealthy food to eat or which game I should play.... then "poof" entire weeks of productivity is gone to a few game achievements or watching entire seasons of "cake boss"

I have skills and talents... so do you... yet when I choose my comfort habits I begin to believe that I'm not good at anything because I am not "doing" anything important...

So I am choosing to make some choices today... I've set forward a plan of actions... I've written down goals with deadlines...

ONE THING... that I want every choice that I make to include is an active... genuine... action, thought, and emotional based catalyst of LOVE...

I am talking about the love of God... the unwavering unconditional sort of love that is the reason that I choose healthy choices...

I guess this post is more a reflection of the thoughts bouncing around my head... but I want to encourage you in your decisions... in your choices... in your active endeavors to love others...

My choices are going to cost me something... comfort... pride... money... time... my desire to get even... my desire to have tons of friends (I want lots of them, but it's hard to maintain so many relationships)...

I desire to be someone awesome... I am someone awesome... those who are a master at what they do made the choice to work hard at those things that propelled them, little by little to become better... and the best are those who recognized that life is better when we care more about others than ourselves...

Be love... love God, love others...

Blessings...

Breaking the Facade

I used to have a dichotomy in my mind of those people who are Christians and those who are non-Christians, heathens, pagans, whatever you want to call them.  In as much as I hate to lump people into two groups that's what I did in my mind subconsciously.  I would even shuffle under the radar those people who are most often unwanted, the poor, the homeless, the hurting, the unhealthy, the ugly....  

Why?

Because I was afraid of looking in the mirror and realizing that I was just like them... or rather I believed that I was like them and that they were all the horrible things I thought they were... 

In my life I lived separate and was extremely bothered when the real world interfered with my delicate artificial life that I was trying to hold together through deliberate ignorance, arrogance, laziness, and a desire to create a better world, one where I was in control and there was no pain, hurting, or death... 

I wanted my own heaven... the one where I was in charge, yet sort of paid homage to God... sort of like tipping my hat at the "Big Guy in the Sky" and saying in my mind and sometimes publicly all the right things and all the things that made me feel better about myself... You know what I mean... the sort of knee jerk reaction that happens when you are in trouble or when someone asks how you are doing... we whisper "God help" or "I'm fine" Which isn't to down play a desperate prayer or even frank brief responses, but for most of my interactions with others it is much easier to just blurt out responses that distance myself from them, or don't require a lot of effort... 

Yet I hear God whispering to me in my heart when I am silent and when chaos is swirling all around that I am loved... a love that is controlled by God, not by me... 

In my version of God's love, I get what I want when I want it... I want to be a success, I want to have no debt, I want a wife, I want my family to be healed physically, emotionally, and spiritually, I want to have six pack abs without the work (just kidding).  It is a very lonely, desperate, and selfish love... 

God's in control... of everything, all the time... with no exceptions and the only rules are the ones He created since the beginning of time... 

Life isn't even about rule following... sure we are to follow God's commandments, but our obedience is born of a genuine relationship...  a relationship where God literally loves us in His own way that connects with us perfectly... as long as we give up control...  

Side note: (God loves us even when we are battling to have control... He even loves us so much that He allows us to make decisions on our own and endure the consequences of our decisions... all the while having complete control, even when we think we are the ones calling the shots)

God has sometimes been explained as having a dichotomy or separation between those who follow Him and those who don't.  This is true in the broadest sense... but the nature of humanity is to desire control and what fulfills us without much effort... you know... like the path of least resistance... 

For me I know that there is a God who loves me and I am forgiven... I am living a life that is restoring everything about me... but sometimes I believe it is taking too long and it is going in direction I don't want it to go... so I try to take control and that usually leads to unhealthy choices or false joy... 

I am just like everyone else... no better or worse... just me... and I don't like that... I want to be better... to be special... to be unique, to be an individual... 

All of that is true... but it is equally true about everyone...  

It is not a magical formula... or something that can be grasped or collected...  something that can be earned... it is just true... 

What does it mean to be made in the image of God?  Some people believe we were created to be like God… or created in a way that we can portray the attributes of God while being fully submitted to His sovereignty and Lordship…

That might be true… or at least I believe it to be true… So why is there a thought process or a movement within the church and in my own worldview that separates Christians from Non-Christians… sort of like the good guys vs. the bad guys…

I don’t know… but what I do know is that when it comes to the application of God’s love… His love… not mine… I can’t possibly see others as the enemy… but rather with a heart full of love longing to be in relationship with them because they are just like me…

This is not pluralism… like everyone is going to be forgiven, or all roads and religions lead to a “higher power and transcendence…”  Rather it is a recognition that as soon as I stop battling against others or ignoring them passively (as well as myself) and give up control I can begin to love as God loves…

I am like you… genuinely beautiful, specifically loved, with the origins of perfection “in Christ” but completely flawed because of sin…  The only difference is that I am living a life that gives God control… (to the best of my ability)… and in Him there is complete forgiveness… complete love, and complete restoration… 

Maybe you already realized this... or maybe you believe something completely different, or maybe something similar... I invite your response... your opinions... your life stories...   

Until next time... Be love... 

How Strong are your dreams....

Do you know that feeling when your insides are twisted with doubt, anger, jealously, fear, and paralyzing disappointment.  It is a wrestling churning nearly primal conflict in my heart, mind, and soul.    It is the sort of feeling that compels you to write sad songs or to sit staring at the world wondering when you are allowed to step up and take your place as a part of something beautiful... maybe it's a chronic symptom of my generation and it's unrealistic expectation to be something or someone great... We wake up and we set ourselves toward the task of working at our jobs... doing our work yet at times feeling empty inside... like working toward something that doesn't have a lasting influence in the world... 

That is what I feel like almost everyday I wake up and trudge forward, one step at a time... 

Yet there is Joy... genuine joy intermingled with the shame, depression, and lethargic trudging forward in life... 

Joy in people, in relationships, in the love that echoes past my insecurities and sadness.  

Listening to great music, having great conversations, succeeding at work (even the jobs you don't like)... recognizing how much God loves you and how much others love you... it is in escapable... it's as close to you as your skin... 

So here I am a joyful mess that is nearly bipolar one moment feeling awesome the next fully embroiled comparing my life to others and becoming depressed... 

It's like trying to eat healthy and establish healthy exercise and eating habits... I know the things I ought to do and those things I ought to avoid... yet there is a sort of sweet tender pull toward unhealthy thoughts... to some they offer a comfort that leads down a road of untold and limitless self esteem issues and depression... 

So like a disciplined athlete... there must be a clear understanding where unhealthy choices come from and what causes those choices to take hold in our lives...  

For me, one of my most favorite unhealthy choices is to chase after the dreams of others and to seek to be someone I am not... 

I see all of the great things that others are doing and then I compare to my life... and presto instant depression... I feel that if I was that person... or if I could just work hard enough I could become a talented artist... 

I could learn how to act, but only those who are endowed with a God given gift and natural skills to really act truthfully in imaginary circumstances really catch it....   don't get me wrong I've been able to capture this beautiful moment of untainted powerful acting... but it was few and far between... I've seen others able to become and create awesome works of art almost instinctually (they do study and work hard of course)

I had a life of adopting the dreams of others because I've lacked a real sense of my own identity and my own dreams... and I just don't like who I am in the mirror... the man I am and skills I have I loathe... they aren't good enough for me... I want more...

So my dreams are strong... they just aren't my dreams... they are the dreams of a manufactured and well planned future that blew up on me two years ago and I have been working desperately to climb out of the emotional, financial, spiritually deprived hole that I dug year by year under a false pretense of success and an intense desire to prove myself and to be someone of significance... 

I have recently just revived a search to seek out my own passions, dreams, and gifts... so I could start new... only this time with a clarity of purpose... all the while quietly and prayerfully listening to the heart of God... seeking out His path...  

Right now I am chained to debt and I have a job that is helping me break the chains one by one... but I don't like what I do....

I have a wonderful family that I wish I could have a better relationship with... to connect with them in vibrant life giving ways...

I have a most amazing awesome girlfriend who is one of the greatest gifts God has ever given me... so much could be said about who she is and how much joy she continues to bring to my life and many others...

Above all I have a God who loves me unconditionally... even when I seek after my own glory sometimes....    maybe it is good that we sometimes worship on our knees and face... because that is often the posture that often feels appropriate when I come back to Him after a season of self focused tunnel vision toward the distracting unimportant desires of a human carnal flesh... wanting fame, power, success, pride, lust, unworthy words and accolades...  

So here I am... chasing after the strong dreams of others... 

... where is my dream... how can I find it... where do I fit in... how can I realize that it is not about me... and how can I make that a reality in my day to day life... 

Maybe you've felt the same as me... maybe not... maybe this is just a rant of senseless banter written late at night... but for me... right now it makes sense...  

Today I choose to seek after God... be healthy in as many ways as possible, be disciplined to do well in the roles I have... and become a better man than I ever thought possible...   

Be love... help me to love you more... 

Insomnia...

When I can't sleep it is often a symptom that something is bouncing around in my head.  It is like a perpetual motion machine completely independent of itself yet connected to every thought in my mind. I can't put into words what I am feeling and thinking... yet the most compelling or correct word I could use is "restless."  

"Restless" literally means an inability to rest or relax as a result of anxiety or boredom.  Wow... anxiety or boredom... those words just echo through your mind... like a vapor, yet with the weight of a freight train.  It just sits on your chest and holds you down, yet when you reach for it becomes illusive, sort of like a phantom or a apparition.  

So where is this coming from... this restlessness... this anxiety and boredom.  For me it comes from both healthy and unhealthy origins.  I believe that I have conditioned myself to rely on accomplishments and excitement to measure my importance, value, and influence in life.  For example, when I was in college studying I was moving forward, there was momentum and I was gaining knowledge, experience, and the future was unknown yet hopeful.  Yet after college and reality hit and the weight of both my decisions and indecisions came upon me I realized that I didn't know what I wanted to do, let alone what I was capable of doing.  Thankfulness for the opportunity to have education, to have the awesome experiences of college, making new friends, traveling the world, just having the freedom to live life with purpose... those thoughts come to mind when I think back to my college days (which I secretly think are not over).  Yet what does one do with an education centered on Bible and Theatre.  

Well what I am doing right now is selling cars... I am a car salesman... a sales professional skilled in the art of lining people up with their wants, needs, and helping them find the perfect car, truck, or suv.  Although I am supremely thankful for a job... and I believe that I am competent in sales and try my best... there is something unsettling in my heart because I am a car salesman and not a theatre professional or somehow serving in the church.  I know that there are many people with jobs that have nothing to do with what they studied... I just thought I could avoid being one of them... and just because I am not serving in a church or constantly onstage doesn't mean I am not an artist or an ardent follower of Christ.  It just means I am selling cars... and ironically not actively pursuing anything else.

I have settled for semi-security because I am broken, hurting, and lacking the confidence in what I studied so hard to become.  It is so petty to even write about these thoughts.  Like I am some special case that deserves to be noticed... but it doesn't really leave me...  

I am bored... I am restless, I have anxiety... and I want release...

Release from the confines of my own lack of confidence... released from the habits that waste so much time and do not contribute to effectual change... release from the reality that I am not where I thought and dreamed I would be... released from my own rebellion against God... released from my pride in thinking that I can do life by myself and somehow do it better than everyone else...

Where does this release come from... 

It comes from the most difficult and ironically the easiest source... from God... from Jesus... 

Ok... some who might understand my thoughts might be thinking... how does one find release in Jesus?   I really don't know... or maybe I do but I believe it is too hard or it would cost too much... 

Release comes from a relinquishing of control and giving God all the power (which He had all along).  It is rather more of a realization that God is love and God is Sovereign... and His Sovereignty cannot and will not be challenged.  

When we allow God to have full claim and sovereignty in our lives then and only then can our created purpose be fulfilled... until that time we are.... well... restless... full of anxiety... and/or bored (sometimes even numb)...

So here I am... a restless man trying to learn how to become broken and release my control of life to God... 

Join me... not in my restlessness... but in complete release to Jesus... I don't know what that would look like for you... maybe it is found in prayer... or maybe it is found in obedience... forgiveness... radical giving... radical living... radical love and grace... maybe it is found in the solemn peace of Godly confidence and contentment... whatever it is... ask God for wisdom... seek after Him... and when it is revealed don't look back at your past, but pursue His path relentlessly... without compromise... 

THERE IS HOPE... 

Identity of Love

Breaking the silence again I have had a thought, well many thoughts, churning in my heart for quite some time.  I probably started writing this blog a half dozen times yet today is different.  Today somehow my thoughts lined up together and became clear.  Have you ever caught yourself finding your identity in something, someone, or an idea, dream, passion?  Maybe you are a talented painter and you are known to your friends as Max the Painter or Zoey the Graphic Artist.  Maybe you are Kevin the Family Man or Sean the Wild Spirit.  Whatever you find your identity in, be it in your talents, dreams, passions, desires, addictions, paradigms, even your ethnicity or sexual orientation, whatever it is have you ever just took a step back, blinked and evaluated your motives or choices?  I have... a lot... so much that often I confuse myself and want my identity to be so many things at once.  Sometimes I want to be Sam the Actor, Sam the Musician, Sam the Writer, or Sam the Uber Artist Extraordinaire, even Sam the Invisible.  There are times my identity really isn't known to me, or it is informed by others and their opinions.  This flux or flexibility of my identity has really left me in a state of confusion for a lot of my life.  It even makes me wonder whether this lack of self realization has really been the driving force for a lot of my failures in life (well that and my rebellion against God and wanting to do things my way).  

So that was how I lived life... sort of floating around attaching myself to the nearest cool idea or thing... very shallow... wanting to belong and trying to be the best in everything... because isn't that what the world expects... for you to be the best in everything... all the time... while at the same time being emotionally available and humble enough to admit your mistakes.  I've tried that path as Sam the Sensitive Broken Man.  But it was only a half truth.  

Here is what I believe is the truth... which that statement sort of sounds arrogantly absolute, but in my mind, heart, soul it makes sense.  

I believe that my identity is found in love (which sounds super cliche).  What is love... I had to think about that question for about a month... I'm still thinking about it... Was love a powerful romantic emotion, was it the sum total of unconditional surrender, is it something tangible, like a hug, kiss, pat on the back, an approving glance or encouraging word?  Is it a form of manipulation? No, that's more like anti-love... I looked into biology... was love just a chemical response triggered by hormones?  Some people would say that... I looked into philosophy... was my idea of love a conditioned response of my environment and the people who taught me how to think and rationalize my interactions with others and my own emotions.  

All of the above sounds a bit too heady... like a bunch of intellectual fluff.  

The Bible in I Corinthians 13 describes love like a person.  It tells me that Love is kind, patient, not jealous, it doesn't brag, it isn't arrogant, it isn't provoked, and doesn't hold grudges (doesn't take into account a wrong suffered)... rejoices with the truth, bears all things (is supportive and encouraging) believes all things (has faith) hopes all things (is crazy optimistic) endures all things (it isn't wimpy, love isn't a wuss but tough, unbreakable).  Love never fails...

Ok... this person of love sounds like a superhero... like something out of legendary epics, myths, or blockbuster movies.  

... it gets even better...

So here I am chasing my identity around trying to accomplish, trying to become holy, to be super Christian... super Sam... 

It says in I Corinthians 13 that if I am the best at everything, have superhuman faith, speak with prophecy, can move mountains with my faith, if I am the smartest man in the world with everyone flocking to me to hear my wisdom... have all the fame, power, money, prestige... talents...  everything that humanity uses to inform their identity...

... it is all nothing without love... and all of it... everything will turn to dust and be forgotten... 

So I sort of fell into a decision... a desire... a passion... a dream... to have an Identity of Love... 

It's too vast and devastating to attempt on my own...  it is only by the transforming power of the Author and Source of Love that I can even begin on this eternal journey...

Jesus is the superhero of love... When my identity is in love ultimately my identity is in Jesus Christ.  

It is one and the same... Christ is love, I want to be like Him, therefore I want to be love... 

Having an identity of love is hard... but it is also easy at the same time... and when I am acting, feeling, speaking, teaching, singing, writing, just being love everything in the world is right.  It's like being in the arms of Christ without any shame... a communal, passionate, powerful, good, perfect identity...

The thing about love is that it can't be forced or coerced on anyone... it is authentic and genuine... both chosen and given freely... 

All I can do is invite you into an identity of love... into Jesus... 

My Identity is love...  An Identity of Love...