Shattered...

Have you ever gotten in a rip roarin' pulling no punches, all or nothing fight with God? I'm talking about a time when you were angry and really just started spewing lies about yourself, about others, about God, and twisting how God "is treating" you at the moment and the truth of how He genuinely loves you. That has been me in an almost predictable cyclical pattern in my life for the last few years. Everything will be going great... I will be working hard and trying to propel forward life and also trying to serve God and others and then... WHAM... something either real, emotional, or spiritual will knock me off of my feet and slam me into the proverbial ground so fast that I can't do anything to avoid the pain.

It is during this time in life that everything is shattered in the initial perspective of the situation. Following God's will isn't always the easiest thing to do and it doesn't always end with comfortable happy circumstances in this life and there is always the chance that what we thought was God's will or calling on our life really wasn't what He wanted, but more of a personal dream or desire. It's like a child wanting candy and pursuing it but God coming along and giving us the good nutritious foods that sometimes taste horrible initially but help us to grow healthily in the short and long term.

I don't think that I'm alone with what I've said above. I mean, Jacob fought in the desert with God until He was blessed... If we even look further back into the lives of Jacob and his brother Esau, even before they were born, Jacob was already chosen by God. Esau did absolutely nothing to not be chosen, but that was just how God operated. Granted Esau's descendants created the kingdom of Edom, God still blessed Esau, but his blessing for Jacob was much much different.

Have you ever felt like an Esau... like you were in a situation outside of your control and someone else was being chosen over you, or someone else had better opportunities and was used by God. Ever since the beginning of time people have struggled with this kind of situation. Consider Cain and Able... Able's sacrifice was accepted... Cain's wasn't. Cain probably worked very hard to prepare a sacrifice to God... but it was his heart... how he sacrificed to God that was different than his brother. This kind of gut feeling of first inadequacy or misplaced, wrongly motivated effort has the power to breed sin. For Cain his anger and feeling of not being accepted by God fueled murder... the first murder...

The thing is when we serve God and go through rough times... even semi rough times, heck if we accidently trip and fall and start trying to blame anything and anyone other than ourselves we are not recognizing that as Christ followers we no longer live our own lives... we live for Christ... (Not as Christ, but His death gave us new life, this life is not our own but His life, we live for Jesus)...

So sometimes I feel shattered... up against a physical, mental, spiritual wall with no escape but to admit my brokenness and my own pride and rebellion against God and fall at His merciful, grace-filled loving feet and worship the fresh dream giver... God saved us from ourselves and sin... He certainly has the power to pick up our shattered lives, dreams, goals, desires... and form us into new and better dreams.

So I'm shattered... but I'm excited to see how God is going to put me back together again... after all, sometimes the best masterpieces come from ordinary things and people...

Blessings...

Who's in control...

Control: the power to influence or direct people's behavior or the course of events...

Have you ever wanted to have complete control over everything in your life? Do you not like surprises and want everything to be lined up in an organized way. How about do you want to be prepared for everything in life and knowing that everything will work for your favor. To put it pointedly... have you ever wanted unquestionable control of your life or others?

I have lived a great deal of my life wanting to remain in control of a lot of things in life. I used constraint to control my emotions. I have tried to control my future by pursuing educational opportunities and paths that I thought would be the most fun and prestigious for me. I have wanted control over situations in the work place because I had the opinion that my way was the best. I have done a great deal of things that could be seen as horrible in order to keep control to stay on top of things and to attempt to be someone who had the power.

I would "allow" God to have control over my life as long as I had the option or veto power that I occasionally used. That's not really giving control is it? I was rebellious and wanted to control everything so that I didn't have to deal with uncertainty and hurtful parts of life.

Not any more...

I am currently in a season of powerlessness... of no control... of complete dependence on God... I may not like it at times... I am certainly not used to it and I especially hate depending on others for things because sometimes I think that they would let me down and not do things right. But I am discovering more and more that life is all about people and that life is meant to be lived communally, not everyone for themselves and selfishly concerned for yourself.

It's like learning how to walk and talk all over again. Everything is in slow motion and everything is in small words... Pride is forced to fall, certainty has gone out the window, shame and pain is slowly... sometimes very slowly being conquered... fear is losing it's grip on parts of my life... and God is replacing previous strongholds with citadels of faith and trust.

It's a slow process and one that is not being completed by myself... I have caring family and friends and a God that doesn't let go... even when I think that He is silent and when I neglect my relationship with Him...

Do you know that God never neglects His relationship with you... He is always there for you even when you are running from Him or when you are static in your faith. Jesus doesn't release you from salvation because you neglect Him... He came to seek out and save the lost... to comfort the hurting...

Christ has always been in control and always will be. God has established His throne forever and His sovereignty is unquestionable... So the question is not really "Who is in control" but more of a recognition that God is in control and gives us the ability to make free choices in our life.

For me... God is in control and I pray, hope, believe, will fight for and trust that He will always remain in control... even when I lapse into my old past habits of controlling...

Who's in control in your life?

Blessings,

Sam

Finding Absolution..

This is just a few thoughts that have been rumbling through my head recently.

Does anyone ever not feel forgiven from their sins? I mean is there such a thing as "feeling" forgiven or is it more of a matter of unconditional faith. Sometimes I don't feel forgiven, but I "think" I'm forgiven, I "say" I believe I'm forgiven and I attempt to "do" the faith practices that often times the forgiven follow, but to "feel" forgiven? There must be more than feeling...

This promise of perfect absolution from the consequences of sin... to be forgiven.... I believe must be more than a feeling... it is something much deeper. It is a reunification with the creator of the universe and an accepting of guilt and trusting that through Christ' sacrifice you have been forgiven from sin... it is a complete surrender to Christ and a recognition that He is the Lord of all that you are...

The feeling of forgiveness is never specifically promised (I think, please correct me if I'm wrong). What is promised is forgiveness from sins from those who confess that they have sinned and believe (really genuinely believe) that Christ is Lord, their Lord and only sovereign power over them. This is a love promise. A promise to love and protect you just like a husband to a wife and a father to a child. As followers of Christ we are called "children of God" and we are also called collectively "the bride of Christ." Those are powerful positions of closeness to God.

I am not married nor do I have any children, but for those of you who are married and/or have children I am taking a leap of faith that you would do almost anything to protect them from harm and to nurture them toward living healthy lifestyles that engender genuine love and care for others. That is the sort of forgiveness that Christ offers. It is a forgiveness that represents one life given freely to be killed in order to save another. This act has been made famous in movies, literature, legends, stories, etc. To die for someone is considered to be an act of selflessness.

All of this I believe to be true but sometimes I don't act like it is true. I wallow if fear, worry, or anger... thinking that I am lost and not knowing what to do. Sometimes I walk with utter confidence and peace knowing that God has forgiven me and is guiding me whether I know it or not. Often times it's a mixture of both doubt and faith. That is normal but is it ideal?

Finding your absolution... the only absolution in Christ sometimes is a journey but it is always always always there for you... Christ is always ready to forgive and never ceases to love you, no matter what you have done or will do or want to do.

I am forgiven... sometimes my own choices and sins keep me from feeling forgiven, but in the end I rediscover my forgiveness when I run back to Christ... He never lets you go... How do you find forgiveness... where does your absolution lie?

Blessings,

Sam