Breaking the silence... do you ever feel like God and the world seems to be silent... or at least distant in some ways, yet horribly ear tinglingly resounding in others? For me right now, God seems to be taking me down a path of faithfulness, of uncertainty, of not knowing the future. It's like being in the eye of a hurricane, one moment all hell is breaking loose and the next everything is calm and silent. Yet you know that this peace is temporary because change needs to happen, change that will be messy, brutal, and undeniably necessary because as God reveals things even in the midst of the silence from Him in all other fronts, I am left ragged and chained to the only things that seem to keep me rooted to Him... His word, worshiping Him, and friends and family. As I write this I am faced with decisions that will shape the rest of my life. I'm not prepared to make these decisions. I want to know everything... to know the outcome of each decision in order to make the best decision possible. To step out in faith is scary... and I don't want to all the time. I want to be in control, I want to set the rules, I want to succeed...
So as this ultimatum of selfishness breaks through the silence of my heart and comes to life in these words now.
Yet.... change.... is.... coming.... now...
A change away from selfishness. A change away from faithlessness. A change away from uselessness, away from having no confidence...
Breaking the silence of the status quo, breaking the silence of those people who have come before me and who live now, of my past actions and supposed future plans...
Sometimes blogs do not have to make sense, they could be incoherent, not written with the most finesse and grace, like this one... but it's an outlet of thoughts... of fears, of losses, of gains, of breakthroughs and setbacks... to express and become something more than a hidden silent voice, but to become someone who wants to share life.....
I don't know what the future holds, but what I do know is that I want the future to be what God wants, yet I hope and pray that as I follow God I won't become bitter or apathetic because of the potential that God will lead me down a path that would be contrary to my dreams and passions... honestly, I would rather follow God than my dreams and passions, but sometimes this following does hurt, like being willing to jump in front of a bullet to save a friend...
Until next time....
blessings to you all
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