The love of Christ is strong... it is not fragile and something to hide... it is so vast that my words can never do it justice. His love is also unconditional and unrelenting... it never ceases... it never fails...
I can remember times when I have laid in my bed at night... wanting to know whether my faith was just an intellectual infatuation... or whether my sins and shortcomings have disqualified me from God's forgiveness... sort of like that was one too many sins you just did Sam... Does anyone else ever feel that way... it's a dangerous depression and longing of the soul...
Then... I come back to Christ's love... it comes roaring back into my spirit and restores my heart... purifies my soul... renews my world and takes hold of my thoughts and sets me straight... This doesn't make everything rosy and perfect in life... I'm not expecting everything to be great... But the promises of God resonate love... it echoes His heart cry for us... He is holy and love, glory, mercy, grace, righteousness, and sovereign justice demolish my doubts...
For me Christ's love brings new life... really that is what His sacrifice was about... a restoration of what was broken by sin... God has established this restoration from the beginning of time... So I will give Him all the glory that I can muster... not because I believe that I can earn His love and forgiveness... but because I recognize that I am not the center piece of His story... I am not the main character but a loving and imperfect child of God...
This may not seem ground breaking to some... there are those who might think I am rambling off old dogmas and doctrines... or speaking Christianese... but let me tell you a story...
I grew up in the faith... my family imperfectly yet lovingly taught me about God and how much He loves me and how He loves me... I was nurtured in a private Christian school for 15 years... then went on to Bible college for 4 years... For 4 years I was poured into the scriptures... I was told that I was among leaders... I was told that our generation was going to make a huge difference... I believed it for others and even sometimes for myself. I thought this is it... I've found my calling... I will be a worshiper and a missionary...
After Bible college and even before I began to shift gears... I have always had a deep love of the arts and music... specifically theatre... I went to theatre school... I studied for two years earning a B.A. in theatre... I thought I could use my skills of theatre and the arts and my Bible college training to create a powerhouse of outreach to others.... Later I went on to study an MFA in Acting (which in theatre world is a big deal)... or so I thought...
Yet.....
As I was doing all those things above... I was also still harboring my own sins, problems, issues... pride, stubbornness, fear, and laziness were always there... I compared myself to others constantly and worked after acclaim and approval... It was about me... even if I didn't see it... under everything else I knew...
God loves me too much to let me continue... and I don't always believe that God penalizes us for our sins... but He most certainly wants the best for us... even closes doors to something we desperately want...
For me I wanted to gain my MFA in Acting... I believed it would open lots of doors and it would also serve to secretly feed my insatiable lust for approval and status... I would be among the best in my field... or so I thought...
God knows my heart...
I was removed from the MFA program after my first year and allowed to finish my M.A. in Theatre... which in my eyes at the time was a slap in the face... I thought I was capable of so much more...
I couldn't be more wrong...
Whether I had the talent and skills or not to continue... my heart was not in the right place... I wasn't studying and working for the right reasons...
I now have been working as a car salesman for the past two years... I went into the job because I was hungry for money and I didn't know where else to go... I thrived in the job... because I've always been great in sales... but it isn't my heart...
Then it became clear.... Christ' love is far more powerful and invigorating than my vocation, my education, my doubts and fears, my pride, my stubbornness, my sins... His love creates a path where I can serve Him in all circumstances... to the best of my abilities and beyond through His strength...
To invigorate is to make one feel strong, healthy and full of energy and life... that is exactly how Christ continues to challenge and change me...
So I fall back into His strength knowing that all my efforts are nothing when it is not fully empowered by Him...
I pray Christ' love for you... make it your identity for God is love
Be love...
