Numb but still Alive

Well it's been a while since I've posted anything but I've had an idea/concept whirling around in my brain for a while and I just needed to get it out. So without further raillery here we go...

Recently I was having a conversation with a friend about God and how my relationship with Him really is often like a wave ebbing and flowing from Great to sort of "eh." It was during this time that I thought about the feeling of having an arm go asleep (or leg, fingers, nose, etc. pick a part of the body). It was in this thought that it donned on me that my relationship with God was similar to being numb, but still alive.

When God is out of the picture in our lives or put on hold, when are connection to the source is strained we become numb, disconnected, unable to operate at the fullest, and able to dabble in the dangerous without immediately feeling the effects of sin. That is where I am at sometimes. When I am disconnected, even slightly from the source I often find myself heading towards my old "pet" sins that really destroy who I am and who Christ has created me to be. I become numb and unable to feel the pain and danger, unable to sense the encroaching tentacles of sin wrapping its arms around me and taking me down a path of destruction. It doesn't even have to look like I am going down, I could be "A" "OK" on the outside, have it all put together in most areas of my life, yet there are places in who I am that have the potential to be eroded away to nothing. For example: remember when your parents told you to "brush your teeth" when you were young, well they did that to help you keep your teeth and encourage habits of dental health, without it our teeth would just erode and rot away. I don't know if you know this but teeth are rather tough, they compose some of the hardest bones in your body. So when you think that you can take a little sin without brushing it off, when you think that you are strong enough to withstand a little dabbling in the "candy of life." Sin doesn't erode our lives all at once, but slowly over time... it sticks with you and has very real long lasting effects.

Numb: "deprived of the power of sensation" as my handy Mac dictionary tells me...

When we are hands, feet, or other appendages are numb it is only the really hard and painful stuff that gets our attention... Unfortunately the enemy often works with a long term plan for our destruction... nibbling away at us, tempting in the little things... breaking us down bit by bit, until there is little left but a shrivel of what we used to be... That's when it hits us... and it hits us hard... the little sins mature to enormous sins and begin to invade into every part of who we are until we walk around fully numb with real pain ever increasing trying to find restoration in yet even more sin...

BUT... there is something awesome about the power of God. Once we accept Him and acknowledge the necessity of change and turn toward obedience to Him, to health we are beginning our journey with Him.

Tingling... so what usually happens when we try to wake up a "numb" part of the body... we move it, shake it, hit it... ultimately we are trying to reconnect and speed the connection to the source, to gain access to blood.

That's the same thing that happens to us when we come to Christ... we gain access to the "Blood of Christ" we are reconnected to Him and are made fully alive... Often it is hard work and like most time when numbness goes it away and tingling happens pain and discomfort are the by products. This isn't to say that Salvation in Christ hurts, but sometimes major life change will hurt and take bold moves and breakthroughs to real change through Christ. Pain will happen, but it is only temporary pain.

Now we are restored back to what we were created to be, a fully alive part of the body of Christ. This brings me back to my original point. When I step away from Christ away from the source and seek out my own desires, wants, and needs, I am cut off and become numb. The Holy Spirit works in me and sometimes through the grace of God I get a holy kick in the rear end back towards health. And yeah, it tingles, and often hurts like heck because the reason I stay in sin is because I enjoy it too much to want to change... call it an addiction, an addiction to death. So as I move back towards Christ and through Him break the chains of bondage and gain "full" access to the source I am made whole, fully sensitive to Him, fully alive and able to function as a part of the Body of Christ.

Jesus uses similar agricultural language to describe the Kingdom of God... He cuts away the unproductive, dead parts of the Kingdom and throws them into the fire...

I don't know about you, but I don't want to be cut off from God... no amount of sin is even close to being worth that, not ever...

So maybe in your life you feel a little or a lot numb... I know I do sometimes... Let us partner with each other as we reconnect back to the source, back to Christ... Being Alive is so much better than numb...

So there you have it... "Numb but still Alive"

Blessings

Busted... but not broken...

It's late at night and I can't seem to sleep. I have way too many things going on in my brain. I am about to embark on a heavy endeavor called grad school... it's this heavy endeavor that keeps me level, yet feelings of unpreparedness and lack of confidence consume me. If anyone has ever done anything artistic or even tried something very scary and new they understand the feeling I am going through now. It's like live theatre.... there you are, up on stage, trying desperately to share with the audience the truth of your performance and giving them something dynamic and real... and you are up there and your mind is numb... you are captivated by the staggering power of being on stage and everyone in the world seems to fade.

This same feeling of numbness happens to me when I sin or when I become so consumed with the small that I forget the big. A better way to put this is when I forget about people... the real tangible people and only remember myself.

SO.... I'M BUSTED..... BUT NOT BROKEN....

I'm busted in the sense that something isn't right, like a piece just dangling that needs to be reconnected or a scraped knee or even something as serious as a missing limb... something is gone and needs to be there...

But brokenness denotes something unheard of... a lack of ability... brokenness could even be described as dead. When one is dead they are no longer able to first hand effect the lives of the living.

I'm busted, but not broken, not dead, capable of generating some sort of change, some sort of connection with others that will hopefully bring them to Christ.

But busted isn't something to be proud of, it's something to desire healing from. What is your vice, your situation or addiction or thing that makes you busted? Is it gambling, lying, stealing, drugs, sexual issues, anger, procrastination, or even infatuation in something that most think is healthy???

So, where does healing come from? To become unbusted?

It comes from Christ... from Jesus... from a complete turning back to the master builder...

But we are not becoming refurbished human beings...

We are new creations through Christ... and we will continue to be renewed as we continue to come back to and follow Christ...

We are no longer busted and brokenness no longer exists...

WE ARE SIMPLY WHOLE...

But we are not whole in ourselves, but in Christ who makes us whole by giving us His wholeness and taking on our bustedness (a.k.a. sin).

So... the things that hold us back from doing the scary... like my new endeavor in grad school or your situation X that you are struggling with... those are the things that masks us to the reality that being busted isn't what we're supposed to be... we are made new everyday... if we seek, if we knock, if we come back running to the Father...

God will always run towards us, pick us up and restore us to Him, make us new, just like He made the blind see, the lame walk, and the dead rise up and live...

BUSTED... BUT NOT BROKEN...

Blessings...

Highs and Lows...

Is it possible to live perpetually on a high? Would most of us want to live on a high forever? Over the past few months I have been challenged, stretched, moved deeply, bound up in deep frustrations, blessed, depressed, kept hostage by thoughts, and renewed in beautiful ways. So it has been a time of highs and lows.

From the beginning of this season of life I have seen the ever present love of God flow in numerous ways both in the real and in the spiritual realms (if there is even a dissipation between the two). Yet I have been working through the concept of what really defines a "low" time? To me a "low" time represents those times when I fail (usually monumentally and very publicly), those times when I loose touch with reality, when I think thoughts like "Gee, I don't have a job yet, maybe something is wrong with me" or "why is it that I can't get a job?" Yet when I think those things, say them out loud, even write them now they seem petty, a bit short sighted, and overshadowed by the real pain, suffering, and needs of countless hundreds of millions around the world.

To them, my lows are their highs (now this isn't saying my horrible failures are their high, I was merely referring to finances and the opportunities that I have been blessed with). So when I go through the periodic and sometimes frequent lows I am left with a stymied sense of either "try harder next time" or sometimes "God everything is in Your hands, but could You notice me over here." Maybe our lows are the times when God is wanting us to notice Him.

What about the high times, the times of blessing, the times of success, the times of acclaim, the times of "things just are working out, despite my own effort," the times where we see God clearly in the beautiful moments of life. Do these times represent a "noticing" of God's presence, the only time when we attribute sovereignty to God. (to be honest I'm still formulating my own thoughts about that last statement).

What I want to embrace continually are the "now" times. The continual and organic relationship with God and people on an intimate level that surpasses all understanding of highs and lows. To live with an understanding that God is constantly, unwaveringly, with perfect love, grace, and peace... wanting to have a beautiful, radical, relationship with me, with you, with humanity. God describes this relationship like a husband and bride, humanity, those who follow after Him, the "Bride" is something that He cherishes, He died for, He is willing to fight for. When I think about the now times, I am caught up in the reality that life may be perfect or lousy but with God life is consistently awesome, beautiful, without words, hands down the best...

Someday I want to be married, I pray this will happen, I pray for my future wife and kids, that they will know Christ and be healthy. This is a dream that I am willing to fight for, but I refuse to force into being... just like Christ does not force us into a relationship with Him. We are not forced to notice Him, but when we do it is beautiful, like seeing your bride coming down the aisle or seeing your husband's radiant smile as you approach him... it is a now moment because you realize that this is the real thing, this is what life is supposed to look like... even in the midst of suffering, pain, success, real joy we recognize that God is eternal, His love does not change, and He continually is waiting in anticipation for us...

So, this blog may not be specifically about highs and lows, but I think it's about something important and for those few who read it, I hope it will mean something to you.

I'll end with this...

"When life breaks apart those great ships of state that we cling to and leaves us adrift in a vast sea of hopelessness and when we are caught up and rescued by a mysterious yet beautiful hero, do we focus on the turmoil of the past or the miraculous rescue when we tell our story or do we hide in shame, because we failed?"

-Anonymous...

I pray peace in your lows and blessings in your highs, but most of all I pray for your remembrances...

Blessings,

Sam

A tidal wave of passions...

So... recently I have been influenced by a great deal of passions... I experience beautiful expressions of humanity and I am moved to act and be a part of their journey... I hear and experience awe inspiring music and I decide that I want to be be a song writer and share with the world something more than me... I witness great feats of performance and I feel an almost instinctual drawing to be a part of the stage... to break away from normality and become someone else and be able to freely explore the infinite depth that is found in the truth of acting... I am driven to want to explore the world and journey to far distant lands and attempt through Christ to be His vessel of world change there...
There are even silly endeavors, for example, I recently went to Sea World with my mom and I marveled at the grace and beauty of the Shamu show (I know, corny right?)... so out of curiosity I looked up what it takes to be a whale trainer: it turns out all you have to do is be scuba certified, swim 200 ft. above water, swim 100 ft. under water, free dive to 26ft. under water, have zoology experience, have performance experience, and have some course work in marine biology... NOW that may sound like a lot, but I've been practicing my swimming just for the heck of it... I can now swim 75ft. underwater and pssh 200ft. in water... I saw an old guy (like 70's) swimming at least that much...
Ok, enough of that tangent, back to the point of this blog...

I want to know if anyone else is driven by multiple passions like myself? Because I would hate to be the only one... But you know what, these passions of God, music, theatre, missions, and people have been my core passions for quite some time now...

ONLY WHERE AND HOW CAN I BEGIN TO APPLY THEM?

So that's the rub... I am hit with a tidal wave of passions and almost zero direction...
I have experience, skills, education, drive, and a heart to serve... but on the other hand I doubt who I am... and what I can do...

So I am washed away by my passions, desperately clinging to anything that will stick, or the little planks of wood that seem to offer a resemblance of stability... so that is the current situation...

All the while there is the real life responsibilities that need to be taken care of, like bills, finding a job, maintaining good health...

Above all I am so blessed with the opportunity to forge a new beginning with Christ and with my awesome friends and family...

So as this tidal wave of passions envelop me I am confident that something will stick and maybe I could do it all... who wouldn't want to be an actor/musician/song writer/missionary/pastor/whale trainer/people lover... servant of the Most High God...

Ok, maybe nothing profound was said in this blog, but sometimes blogs like this are good...

I pray blessings for you all...
Sam