A tidal wave of passions...

So... recently I have been influenced by a great deal of passions... I experience beautiful expressions of humanity and I am moved to act and be a part of their journey... I hear and experience awe inspiring music and I decide that I want to be be a song writer and share with the world something more than me... I witness great feats of performance and I feel an almost instinctual drawing to be a part of the stage... to break away from normality and become someone else and be able to freely explore the infinite depth that is found in the truth of acting... I am driven to want to explore the world and journey to far distant lands and attempt through Christ to be His vessel of world change there...
There are even silly endeavors, for example, I recently went to Sea World with my mom and I marveled at the grace and beauty of the Shamu show (I know, corny right?)... so out of curiosity I looked up what it takes to be a whale trainer: it turns out all you have to do is be scuba certified, swim 200 ft. above water, swim 100 ft. under water, free dive to 26ft. under water, have zoology experience, have performance experience, and have some course work in marine biology... NOW that may sound like a lot, but I've been practicing my swimming just for the heck of it... I can now swim 75ft. underwater and pssh 200ft. in water... I saw an old guy (like 70's) swimming at least that much...
Ok, enough of that tangent, back to the point of this blog...

I want to know if anyone else is driven by multiple passions like myself? Because I would hate to be the only one... But you know what, these passions of God, music, theatre, missions, and people have been my core passions for quite some time now...

ONLY WHERE AND HOW CAN I BEGIN TO APPLY THEM?

So that's the rub... I am hit with a tidal wave of passions and almost zero direction...
I have experience, skills, education, drive, and a heart to serve... but on the other hand I doubt who I am... and what I can do...

So I am washed away by my passions, desperately clinging to anything that will stick, or the little planks of wood that seem to offer a resemblance of stability... so that is the current situation...

All the while there is the real life responsibilities that need to be taken care of, like bills, finding a job, maintaining good health...

Above all I am so blessed with the opportunity to forge a new beginning with Christ and with my awesome friends and family...

So as this tidal wave of passions envelop me I am confident that something will stick and maybe I could do it all... who wouldn't want to be an actor/musician/song writer/missionary/pastor/whale trainer/people lover... servant of the Most High God...

Ok, maybe nothing profound was said in this blog, but sometimes blogs like this are good...

I pray blessings for you all...
Sam

The Death inherent in Sin...

So have any of you ever come across a mental or creative block... a sort of break away from the driving forces that our passions give us... That is what happens to me when I sin... it's a form of the death that happens to my life that exposes me the ruthlessly elusive effects of sin on my life... So when this happens to a creative (or anyone for that matter) there is something that breaks within us... something that needs to be restored, to be brought back to life...

Death...

...the permanent ending of something vital...

So although those who follow Christ are free from eternal death... there is still very real radical effects of death in our lives when we sin... when we are separated from God or broken from communion... from fellowship... (Although to stop all of the nay sayers out there that I may be inferring to a separation from God even after salvation... I am merely inferring that with sin there needs to be confession, recognition, and re-establishment of communion with the "Holy" God).

With this separation sin infects us like a virus... it tethers and weighs us down like chains...

Have you ever seen or read about the chains on Charles Dickens "Marley" when he confronts Scrooge... that's how we are when we sin... we may be alive and able to move and breath, but we are dragging, rattling, and rusting away under the weight and effect of sin...

So here we are coupled, chained, marred by the chains of sin, the death in sin...

We are free from the eternal consequences of sin through Christ, but there is a very real shadowy illusive, tangible death that comes with our sins...

People can act and talk with others differently... they can be hindered in their own growth with God, they can be robbed of real experiences with others that would could have been...

Sin causes death that sometimes leads to fear... to doubt... to feelings of low self confidence and gives rise for the powers of this world to latch on to something... to light the fire under the death...

What is worst is that when we sin, often we (and I) don't realize the death that comes with the sin...

Relationships with others breakdown... it robs me from intimate relationships from others...

BUT....

Sin and Death do not always remain and they are defeated, eradicated by Christ and His sacrifice... and either immediately or over time the death goes away... The death no longer has a strangle hold over our lives and just like a wonderful new infant, we are restored to who we were created to be...

So death happens...

But forgiveness and restoration is eternal...

Blessings to you all,

Sam

Grace...

Recently I've been contemplating the powerful break through that happens in ones life when they fully realize that grace is real. Yeah yeah, everyone hears about grace in church or at least in some capacity in their lives (or at least I hope they do), but do we really understand what it means to have the grace of God. Sometimes I find myself living a life that doesn't acknowledge the grace of God, sure you could ask me and I would say yes, God has given me grace, but in reality I would be thinking and feeling as though I was under condemnation, a state where grace does not reside. Grace... a free and unmerited gift from God. Yet in my mind I think I have to work towards grace, to be perfect enough to deserve grace, to "do" enough good things that I can be eligible to "feel" the grace of God. Granted this isn't always where I am at and I'm thankful for the times when I have enough sense to realize this, but the reality is that I really feel this gracelessness sometimes. This is especially made evident in the times when I fall in flames in my own personal struggles and sins... I feel as though I am a hideous creature that doesn't deserve the grace of anyone, let alone God...

So does anyone else feel this way sometimes, or am I the lone anomaly, the one person who sinned so much that grace doesn't apply to me... Of course I'm being sarcastic, but I believe that there are those out there who feel the same way that I feel sometimes and it's something that needs to be addressed.

I need to know, people need to know, my fellow "I don't feel like I have grace" ers... need to know, that Christ fully and beautifully crafted and worked a masterpiece of grace and forgiveness in us that cannot be broken or destroyed. Christ' grace for us is like a statue of the hardest substance ever in existence and our pathetic attempts at denying Christ' grace for us is like pelting it with feathers, no matter how many feathers I throw at that undeniably sound strong and eternal grace and forgiveness, that statues not coming down.

On a side note, I will nip in the bud all those people who may say that "I" just related God's grace to a statue, isn't that breaking some sort of commandment about making idols or something, Well I don't mean it that way, it was an illustration... (okay that may have seemed a bit far fetched but I thought it and I wanted to bring assurance to anyone who read this of what I mean)...

Back to Grace...

Just think about that phrase... to come "back to grace"

What happens when we come back to something that we dearly desire yet don't want to admit that we have. It's like coming home to family whom we love and want desperately, yet they annoy the heck out of us and embarrass us in public and we casually pretend that we are not apart of the hokey bunch...

Grace is something that brings us back home with who we were created to be in God... it's not something that we have earned, or deserve, or built up over the years, or have to be perfect to receive (or even marginally good). But it's a free gift, it accompanies Forgiveness, Love, and Mercy...

So what now... what needs to happen now?

We (myself and whoever reads this) must be a people who tangibly recognize that God isn't a cosmic being that hurls condemnation at us. We are the source of condemnation, the powers of this world want us to feel condemned... Why? Because they are afraid of who we are in Christ and how this freedom from condemnation and acceptance of Grace will empower us through Christ to do and be people who are world changers.

So as I begin my own journey in my acceptance of God's grace, I pray, I beg, I plead that you will walk with me in knowing that God's grace is real and applies to you, to everyone...

Blessings to you all...

Sam

Breaking the Silence...

It's been a while since I've posted, but here goes nothing...

Breaking the silence... do you ever feel like God and the world seems to be silent... or at least distant in some ways, yet horribly ear tinglingly resounding in others? For me right now, God seems to be taking me down a path of faithfulness, of uncertainty, of not knowing the future. It's like being in the eye of a hurricane, one moment all hell is breaking loose and the next everything is calm and silent. Yet you know that this peace is temporary because change needs to happen, change that will be messy, brutal, and undeniably necessary because as God reveals things even in the midst of the silence from Him in all other fronts, I am left ragged and chained to the only things that seem to keep me rooted to Him... His word, worshiping Him, and friends and family. As I write this I am faced with decisions that will shape the rest of my life. I'm not prepared to make these decisions. I want to know everything... to know the outcome of each decision in order to make the best decision possible. To step out in faith is scary... and I don't want to all the time. I want to be in control, I want to set the rules, I want to succeed...

So as this ultimatum of selfishness breaks through the silence of my heart and comes to life in these words now.

Yet.... change.... is.... coming.... now...

A change away from selfishness. A change away from faithlessness. A change away from uselessness, away from having no confidence...

Breaking the silence of the status quo, breaking the silence of those people who have come before me and who live now, of my past actions and supposed future plans...

Sometimes blogs do not have to make sense, they could be incoherent, not written with the most finesse and grace, like this one... but it's an outlet of thoughts... of fears, of losses, of gains, of breakthroughs and setbacks... to express and become something more than a hidden silent voice, but to become someone who wants to share life.....

I don't know what the future holds, but what I do know is that I want the future to be what God wants, yet I hope and pray that as I follow God I won't become bitter or apathetic because of the potential that God will lead me down a path that would be contrary to my dreams and passions... honestly, I would rather follow God than my dreams and passions, but sometimes this following does hurt, like being willing to jump in front of a bullet to save a friend...

Until next time....

blessings to you all

The first of many...

So as an artist and also a theologian, I feel that I am often caught up in two different worlds. The crazy and incredibly competitive theatre arts world and the more eternal world of those who follow Christ. Recently I have been pulled in several different directions searching and exploring different paths, some of which have been fruitful others have not, but what I have learned and continue to learn is that God is in control. God really understands me, much more than I do myself, which is scary, yet comforting because I know that He can and does navigate the often twisted emotional highs and lows that I go through.

Recently I came across a blog entry from a dear friend who died... the entry was about two years old and had been probably lost in the archives of the internet for some time... The words that he wrote are profound... At the time he wrote the blog, he was enduring great family turmoil and was also trying to navigate graduating from college, getting married, and begin pastoring at a church. The pivotal part of the blog was not his ability to be brutally honest with God and have questions, but that at the end he chose to rely on God not for answers, but for His will to be done, for God to make His move... listen to these words, let the voice of someone you love and trust say them to you, here's my friend "When it comes to struggles like these maybe God was never meant to be figured out or understood but rather trusted in and counted on. Maybe when we struggle we should not look to God for an answer but for a safe place. Maybe when we struggle we don't look to God for the next move but for God to move."

So right now in my life and probably in many of your lives, I am waiting for God to move, to guide, and to establish His Kingdom firmly in the questions of my life and in the depths of my heart. So as this wandering artist moves and breathes through life and as he struggles with his faith and to view God not only as the powerful creator of the universe, but as a comforter and righteous one who will move in ways that I cannot even fathom.

So back to the struggle, the searching and beating of my chest to try to be a person who follows God with a heart of complete and utter obedience while trying to harness the relentlessly driven creative soul that I have trapped inside of me...

All for the Glory of God,

Blessings to you all,

Sam